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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Author: Erma Bombeck
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I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

Author: Oscar Wilde
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Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.

Author: Unknown Author
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.

Author: Albert Einstein
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.

Author: Rita Mae Brown
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I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Author: Woody Allen
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I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Author: George Carlin
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Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

Author: Unknown Author
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There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

Author: Unknown Author
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I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

Author: Marie Corelli
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